Welcome to my world...
tatoeba kurushii kyou da to shite mo
kinou no kizu o nokoshite ite mo
shinjitai kokoro hodo ite yukere to
umare kawaru koto wa dekinai yo
dakedo kawatte wa ikeru kara
let's stay together, itsu mo
for instance, even if today is painful
and yesterday's wounds remain
I want to believe that I can free my heart and go on
I cannot be reborn
but I can change as I go on, so
let's stay together always
from 'For Fruits Basket', OP Theme from Fruits Basket
Name: Waffle
Age: 18
Location: Texas
Hobbies: Writing, Reading, Anime, Manga, Drawing, RPGs
Favorite Anime: Fruits Basket, Escaflowne, .hack//SIGN, Samurai Deeper Kyo, Yami no Matsuei
Favorite Games: Golden Sun: The Lost Age, Suikoden Games, .hack games, Fire Emblem, Kingdom Hearts, StarCraft, WarCraft, Neverwinter Nights
Favorite Band: Linkin Park
Favorite Quote: "And now, to unleash screaming temporal DOOM!"
Sometimes I wonder...
...but then I stop.
Contact Me
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7.30.2004
[ mood: fluffy ]
It's sunny again. BASTARD! I wanted it to stay rainy forever! *mutter mutter*
Oh yes, I started writing in my blog again. Does anybody even visit this thing? Hee hee...
Anyway, yes, another sunny day--not bad out, just hot. Kori melts when it's hot.
I got the first DVD of Invader Zim, and it's incredibly awesome. LET'S MAKE BISCUITS!! GIR is my hero...
Getting ready to go to college, more than slighty nervous about the whole business. Especially since Rei is apparently matchmaking for me. That makes me flail in terror and ponder in curiosity both...
Oh, and I got Warcraft 3! Present from my good buddy Asher. Is one of the most awesome-cool games ever. Kinda like Starcraft, except 3D and with four races, and none of them are even Protoss! SUCKS!
(there's even a friggen Zerg Zergling and Hydralisk, and a Terran Marine in the game. but no Protoss. NONE!)
Well, I must run, remember, clean, lemony-fresh victory is MINE!
Posted at 3:36:28 pm by wafflegirl
5.14.2004
Slave? Not really, but...
Could it be anymore obvious I need to change, and badly?
May's not been kind to me. And I've not even had it very bad. It's just...
Now more than ever I understand and see my mistakes with crystal clarity. I know just how much of a yahoo I am. I realize how much I need to change, how much more patience I need.
I realize that I'm heading down the wrong path. That I'm stupid. That if I keep this up, something bad will happen.
But it's also...I can't say anything bad. ANYTHING. If I do, bad things happen in return.
I cried today.
A while back I had a really bad day, and my ag teacher was really pissing me off because he told me to do one thing, then immediately told me to do another. I snapped at him, saying "do you want to have an officer election or not?" (the first thing I was working on.)
I'm paying for that. Another girl at my school wrote in my yearbook, and in her comment she said something to the effect of 'and congratulations on telling [the ag teacher] off!'
Well, he picked up my yearbook and started reading it and saw it. And he talked to me and her. He said everything I already knew it was--disrespectful, that it hurt his feelings and all. I feel so guilty. Not just about that. About everything!
I whine and complain but there's really nothing wrong with me. Or if there is something wrong with me, it's self-inflicted. I annoy people by my mere presence these days.
I procrastinate even when I try not to. I've let things go too long, and now there's no way I can fix them. It's no good telling how I feel so despaired some nights that I can barely get to sleep, and how my headaches are worse even though I'm barely drinking caffeine (or anything at all) and not eating any ramen noodles (thus no MSG). Nothing's any good anymore. I want to scream, but I don't want to scream, because who do I have to scream at but my friends?
I apologize. I'll just shut up now. And stop crying.
Posted at 3:07:25 pm by wafflegirl
4.25.2004
I would like to most sincerely apologize for last night's blog entry. I was tired, but that is no excuse for some of the things I said. I shouldn't be let around computers when I'm like that.
I probably meant almost none of what I said. Once again, I apologize.
Posted at 3:57:39 pm by wafflegirl
4.24.2004
First of all, I'm sorry for this blog's mere existence.
That said I guess I'll get into the...um, stuff.
I've told myself this many times, because it's true: I don't have it bad. In fact, I have it rather good. Which may be one reason I'm so disgusted with myself. I don't have anything to complain about. My grades are good in school, I'm successful in ag, I have great friends, even plenty of material amusements. Yet I still want more. I want my grades to be even better, more or less perfect. I'm disappointed when I wind up the first loser in an Ag contest (they're right, nobody remember 2nd place years down the line anyway). I want more toys and things.
And...I want more love.
This is where my selfishness gets really out of hand. I said I have great friends. That's no lie. I do. I'd give my life for them. I know Rei loves me, yet I still feel dissatisfied and I don't know why. It makes me so angry because my heart says one thing, and my mind says the other. I'm hoping one day my mind will win.
It's like the hopeless lack of relationships in my life. I can count my 'boyfriends' on one hand, if you can even call them that. It is wrong of me to be lonely. It is irrational. Rei has told me so many things about how it's not worth it. I can't help that I'd like a hug every once in a while. I can't help it that I love a guy that doesn't love me back. I want many things but that tops the list, probably, having my love returned, even though that's guaranteed to be the #1 that will NEVER happen. I'm a rational person, or so I'd say, so why can't I convince myself of this? Is it that blind? I want to go bash my head against the wall until I get the picture.
I'm just so frustrated. I'm fatigued and anxious over what's happening to Rei but I don't know what to tell her and that quite frankly is killing me. My other friends have problems of their own, but my own fall on the deaf ears of my stuffed animals. A line of a current country song reads 'I know what it feels like to fall asleep crying'. Amen.
I want to collapse and start crying and wait for someone to call me on the phone when I don't show up online. However, that doesn't solve any problems. It just causes more.
I'll be selfish here since it's easier, since so few people will see it. I want my story to be popular but it's dead. I've gotten several comments on it but I can't convince myself it's worth enough to keep writing, probably because it's not. It's pretty cliche and the characters are stupid. I just want to write a good story.
Rei, you've been telling me to be brutally honest so I'm going to do that here. I love you and I'd never ask you to change, but I always thought myself to be somewhat of the author of the group. I've been replaced...yup, but don't stop writing. It's a good thing I guess. I don't have a place. That's how it's always been, and it's about time I realized that I must always live on the fringes. I'm not the best at anything. I can learn to realize this, over time.
I don't know who I'm kidding trying to color pictures in GIMP, either.
Well, I'll quit ranting now since I've already labelled myself as a bitch by now.
I really do just wish that they'd ask what's wrong sometimes. Then again, they won't ever do that.
Posted at 11:53:35 pm by wafflegirl
4.18.2004
I just had to take a few of the ones on Rei's blog...so here.
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
Then I went and found some of my own.
you are seagreen
#2E8B57 |
Your dominant hues are cyan and green. Although you definately strive to be logical you care about people and know there's a time and place for thinking emotionally. Your head rules most things but your heart rules others, and getting them to meet in the middle takes a lot of your energy some days.
Your saturation level is higher than average - You know what you want, but sometimes know not to tell everyone. You value accomplishments and know you can get the job done, so don't be afraid to run out and make things happen.
Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.
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the spacefem.com html color quiz |
Posted at 10:42:15 am by wafflegirl
4.14.2004
Well, I started to make a card for Scrubbo. And I didn't finish before he left. SO HERE IT IS!
Enjoy!...Please! I'm begging j00!
Posted at 10:12:06 pm by wafflegirl
4.12.2004
Rei made a quiz about her characters from TBF...and this is what I got.
You're Anan D'Butoir! Okay so you're a bit stuck up and but you're really
really smart! And even though you may pretend
to only care about yourself, we know that you
have a soft spot somewhere in there!
What Black Feather protagonist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Now I'm gonna make my own quiz.
Posted at 3:45:49 pm by wafflegirl
4.11.2004
Ah yes, renovations. Look and see what I have done!
New background (Kite from .hack//ANOTHER BIRTH) new banner (promo CG art of Balmung from .hack//GAMES) and a new picture in the sidebar (a sprite I edited myself). I also re-found that little Shigure sprite.
What's the reason for all this?
Er...the site I had my pics on, it kinda kicked my account. XD All nonpaying customers. Yep. Let it be known that I am a cheapskate!
And, since these are becoming so popular and tradeable...
That is all. Have a nice day.
Posted at 10:53:03 pm by wafflegirl
2.26.2004
I'd like to say that I'm drowning in loneliness and my mind is suffering from the dark tortures of society.
My life's not that poetic, though--after all, I'm just a typical girl from the middle of Texas, so this ought to do it:
Spoiled, selfish bitch who doesn't know when to shut up--or tell her mind to shut up, for that matter.
That oughta do it.
Sorry, Rei.
Posted at 10:00:53 pm by wafflegirl
1.14.2004
I had a very disturbing dream last night.
Scientists may have been able to prove that dreams are just our brains emptying out, but sometimes I really wonder.
Last night I dreamt that there was a strangeness in the world. Strange black creatures, small ones, insectlike and yet reptillian at the same time, were falling from the sky. They were swarming. When they touched you, you went into a strange paralytic state and then died in pain several minutes later. The same happened when you touched them.
In the first part of the dream, I saw three of them climbing a porch-post of a house that was not mine, but that seemed to be mine in some odd way. I remember running away from them in terror, but they caught me, and I died anyway.
In the second part of my dream, I was with my mom and aunt and father in my aunt's house, watching as the creatures swarmed outside. One got inside, and my aunt was surprisingly hesitant to kill it, even though it destroyed my mother's cell phone. Then, having to leave to go do something (though I can't remember what) I went to brush my hair. I felt something in my hair and pulled it out, only to find one of the creatures. In terror I dropped my brush and ran into the kitchen, tearfully telling my mother that I had touched one of the creatures and was about to die...her response? "Oh, stop whining."
I fear for my sanity.
Posted at 10:55:15 am by wafflegirl
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